All About That Bass

One of the things I have always struggled with is my weight. I’m not one of those naturally lean people, who can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. Carbohydrates really, really like me. I know I won’t ever be a “stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,” as Meghan Trainor so eloquently stated. But I would like to get to a comfortable weight and maintain it.

According to this weight chart (that I now want to burn), a “normal” weight range for a female who is 5’5” is 114 to 149 pounds, said female is “overweight” if she weighs between 150-179 pounds, and “obese” if she weighs between 180-234 pounds. Currently, I fall into the overweight category, and quite frankly, even when I was at my record lowest weight (picture below) I still didn’t weigh less than 150 pounds.

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I didn’t mind being over 150, I felt good. I liked the way my clothes fit and I didn’t mind the way I looked in pictures. I know a lot of people put a lot of value into the number on the scale (I’ve been there), but I’ve come to realize that it isn’t the number on the scale that matters, but how you feel.

For me, I’ve gone through periods in my life when I am heavier, and then I lose weight and I’m healthier, then heavy, then healthy, heavy, healthy… It’s a freaking roller coaster! I am consistently inconsistent. I find things that work: south beach diet, weight watchers, running, Eat to Live, etc.  Clearly I know how to lose weight, because I have done it successfully several times, but the longest I have ever gone without gaining the weight back was about 18 months. It just seems like eventually, I hit a road block and I don’t know how to get around it. Then I’m feeling miserable and the confidence I have in myself diminishes (which I know isn’t an attractive quality).

I’m sure there are ladies out there who weigh the same as me or more, and feel great about themselves, fierce even. Take these ladies below, they are “plus sized” models. They’re beautiful and they are rocking every curve they have. They clearly have a lot of confidence in their bodies and they look as if they feel very comfortable in their own skin.

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I’m just not there yet. I feel very self-conscious 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I look in the mirror I see a lot of flaws: double chin, flabby arms, big thighs, and a tummy that sticks out more than it should. It has nothing to do with the number on the scale (even though the last time I weighed myself I almost passed out). It also has nothing to do with the people around me. Yes, a few people have noticed that I have picked up weight, but no one has given me a hard time about it. As far as I know, no one has called me fat or made anything major of it. It definitely isn’t Korey, he tells me I’m beautiful every single day, multiple times a day, and assures me that I am attractive to him. He would never tell me to lose weight, even if he thought I should, he just isn’t that kind of guy. With that being said, it all boils down to how I feel, and right now, I feel so uncomfortable.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things about myself that I love. I love my skin, I rarely wear make-up of any kind outside of chapstick, I don’t wear foundation or blemish cover up stuff… for the most part my skin stays clear and smooth (except for my freckle-like moles – which I also love). I love my hair, I mean I really love my hair, I am proud of my red, wild, crazy, and kinky curls. I love my eyes, they aren’t any special color, but they’re huge and different! I can’t control them – they just express themselves.

You know how you open a can of biscuits, and the dough pokes out?

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That’s the only way to describe how I feel in my clothes on a pretty consistent basis. A simple fix would just be to buy new clothes, but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE likes to go shopping for BIGGER clothes. Even if I could bring myself to do it, we don’t really have a lot of extra shopping money laying around with us getting married in the next few months. So I’ll just feel like biscuits for the time being… but hopefully not for long.

I don’t know who to blame for why I feel this way… Should I blame the “mean girls” who gossip about everyone that walks by, judging them by their size or what they wear?

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Do I blame society for deciding on what is beautiful?

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Or, do I blame myself for listening to, and embedding the world’s view of beauty into my heart, instead of my Creator’s?

1 Samuel  Proverbs 31-30

Psalm 139-14

I know if I’m uncomfortable, I should be doing something about it, and I am, but change takes time. I am working on a life-style change that works for me on a long-term basis, and not just a quick fix (to end this roller coaster ride). I am also working on seeing myself through God’s eyes, because I know he created me as I am intentionally.

With all of that said, I’d like to leave you with a challenge! I know it takes way more positives to counteract all of the negatives that people have had poured into them. So, I am challenging you to compliment someone’s beauty. You never know how people are feeling, even if they appear to have it all together. Tell someone they’re beautiful. If you notice someone losing weight, TELL THEM, “Hey, you look great, have you been doing anything differently?” Pray for your friends, and definitely pray for our young girls. They need to grow up loving themselves because truly, every inch of them is perfect from the bottom to the top.

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26 thoughts on “All About That Bass

  1. Good morning, Keturah!

    Thank you so much for linking up with us! We’re so pleased you joined us again this week.

    You have probably already completed this, but I was out yesterday and am playing catch-up. I’m dropping in to #TheocentricThursday participants this week and leaving links to who they are supposed to comment on this week to make sure everyone understands how it works. It works best for the hosts record-keeping if everyone clicks the links on the actual blog hop, but when it comes right down to it, we’re more concerned with everyone receiving at least two comments per week!

    The two posts you should have left comments on are:

    #18 http://www.inlinkz.com/displayurl.php?id=23942751
    and
    #19 http://www.inlinkz.com/displayurl.php?id=23944022

    You are not limited to those two! Some participants manage to make it through all of them each week. However, those are the two expecting your comments and your first step to eligibility for this week’s Featured Post spot! Please let me know if you have any questions!

    Blessings,

    Carrie Ann Tripp

  2. This is such an important post. I have an autoimmune disease that has caused me to be underweight for much of my life. I know, that would sound really appealing to some people. But underweight isn’t any healthier than overweight is. But since I got so many positive comments about being “so skinny” and “I’m so jealous”, I had a desire and need to be skinny all the time. Now that I’m in my 40s and have been able to maintain a normal weight, I feel fat sometimes and say it out loud. I need to stop that. I’m well within normal for my weight. I decided to get rid of the scale. I exercise when I can and try to look at food as fuel and “will this help or hurt me?” I want to be healthy and I want to feel good, regardless of what the scale says. Good for you for being bold and raw here. We need more of this.

    Also, I’m glad you’re linked up with Theocentric Thursdays. It’s a great community and I’m proud to co-host again this week. 🙂

    • I like that question! It’s something that I also need to ask myself because I make a good selection! I really appreciate you reading and leaving me a comment! I also love Theocentric Thursdays, Carrie is a real gem.

  3. Who better understands your predicament than I… However, no one judges you because you are heavy. We don’t care! We love your heart.

  4. Such a beautiful and healthy outlook. It is ALL about God, our creator. We are beautiful in His eyes. This world has such a skewed and twisted vision of what is “right” or “beautiful” – being a part of the entertainment industry for many years I saw all the ugliness of it up close and personally. But getting to step away, breathe and connect to who really matters – thats where I feel most beautiful. When I can just be ME.

    You’re heart and words are beautiful girl! As are you ❤

    • Thank you for your sweet words! I can’t even imagine the pressure of being in the entertainment industry, but you have an experience that you can share with a unique perspective! Thank you for commenting 🙂

      Keturah

  5. Thanks for this post- I really needed this today. It’s good to know there’s someone else out there who feels the same way I do sometimes! And I always need some reminders to see myself through God’s eyes- we are always the hardest on ourselves. Sending love your way xoxo
    http://www.jenna-grace.com

  6. Keturah, I’m so glad to have found your blog via The Peony Project. I want you to know this and repeat it many times: YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE. I’ve struggled with weight my entire life, you are not alone. I stepped out in immense faith last month (June) and wrote an original blog series called “30 Days of Manna” – a personal journey towards physical health and spiritual well-being. Each day for 30 days, I connected Scripture passages and my eating habits. I have a lot of work to do before I ever reach my goal weight, but it starts with eating well, exercising, and taking care of ME. I have faith that you will exceed your personal goals as well, keep the faith, sweet friend.

    Blessings,
    Nicole @ Three 31

    30 Days of Manna – https://nicoleandkevin.wordpress.com/?s=30+days+of+manna

  7. So glad that you posted this in our group!! What a beautiful encouragement for the morning!!! Thank you so much for sharing with us!!!
    Blessings, Rebecca

    • Thank you for the encouragement and definitely the prayers! It’s true, there’s this cookie cutter idea of what beautiful is, when God calls us all fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank for you stopping by!!!

  8. Beautiful post, Keturah. I have two young daughters, and I hope so much that as they grow up they will see themselves through their creator’s eyes. Thank you for sharing.

  9. I needed this post today. I started a lifestyle change this week and it’s going really well… easy, in fact. But you reminded me, here, that changing my lifestyle can also include getting deeper into God’s Word while I make this change. Reading those reminders that we are fearfully and wonderfully made will help me endeavor to be healthy inside and out.
    I know this struggle (as many, many women do) but I talked to my sister this morning and it really is a matter of something “clicking.” I’ve lost and gained over the years, but the times that I have consciously lost weight was when something clicked and I just DID IT. I’m sure you know the feeling too – prayers for you friend. Remember that you have others on your team! 🙂

    • Thank you so much and you’re absolutely right! The times that change has occurred was when I really just buckled down and committed to being disciplined. When I decided that I enjoyed being healthy over indulging in a chocolate molten cake! I appreciate you stopping by, and you have a prayer friend in me as you journey to a healthier lifestyle 🙂

  10. Pingback: Tie the Knot Tuesday, 12 Weeks and Counting | Throne of Grace

  11. Pingback: “Water Park” Days | Throne of Grace

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