It was then that I carried you…

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Almost everyone has heard “The Footprints in the Sand” poem. The poem is about a person who has a dream that he’s walking along the beach with the Lord. In the sky he can see images from his life as well as two sets of footprints in the sand. He notices that during the lowest times in his life, there is only one set of footprints. He reminds God that he promised to walk with him always, and asks him why he wasn’t there during those low times. God says, “My precious child, I love you and would never leave you during your trials and testings. When you only saw one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

I can think of several moments in my life when I know I couldn’t have made it through in my own strength. Some times were way tougher than others, but thats the thing, it doesn’t matter how significant or insignificant the case may be, if I’m struggling, God still carries me. I got to thinking, what does being carried look like? Did God physically come and carry me? No. So what exactly does it mean to be carried? This is what I came up with:

When I began college, it rocked my world. Strange place, strange people, no friends, and course work that I was NOT prepared for. It was a very emotional time. I’d convinced myself that college wasn’t for me. Shortly after school started, I decided that I was going home and was never setting foot in Nacogdoches, Texas again. I called my mom daily, hourly even, crying about how horrible it was, expressing my desire to leave. She’d tell me, “you are meant to be there! You can do this. Just give it time. Wait and see how you feel by the end of the semester.” Sure enough, I met friends and started enjoying myself a little more. By the time the next semester was starting, I was ready to go back. God carrying me looked like an encouraging mother who never doubted my ability to be a college girl. Here I am almost 8 years later, a two-time college graduate. I was carried.

When my great-grandmother passed away, it broke my heart. The news of her passing literally swept me off of my feet. She lived with us, and being in the house without her there was a huge adjustment. She passed away just before my graduation from SFA. The only thing missing from that day was her… God carried me through that with family to lean on who knew EXACTLY how I felt, friends who understood what I was going through, who would cry with me, and share hilarious Moby stories with me (like a cake that magically ended up on the floor) – thank you Tasha, and remind me how lucky I was to have her for as long as I did. I was carried.

When my Nana passed away, I lost a part of me. I spent a lot of my childhood with her, she nurtured me, encouraged me, prayed for me, spied on me (right Gina?), introduced me to coffee in my toddler days, gave the best hugs, and the best kisses. A world with out her is one I’m unfamiliar with. I couldn’t imagine life without her, now I live it… It’s still a struggle now, but God has carried me through by reminding me that I still have a perfect and very loving grandmother, giving me people to lift me up when I’m falling apart (thank you Mom, Korey, & Gina), filling my spirit with so many good memories, and cherishing those last days that I got to spend with her. I would drive every single mile all over again, and enjoy every single minute I woke up during the night to sit with her when she was hurting. I would do it without hesitation. I was and am being carried.

For me, this is what being carried looks like. I acknowledge that God carried me through these life changing, earth shattering moments. So surely, he’ll carry me through anything.

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Wait…

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I have been doing a lot of waiting since October. I would love to say that I have been waiting patiently… but that just isn’t so.

It all started October 29, 2014… which happens to be my birthday. It also happens to be the day that Korey J. Traylor (wonderful, God-Sent man) got on one knee and asked me to marry him. Thus the waiting game began! The moment I said yes, the countdown to our wedding date commenced (today we’re at t-minus 159 days). It seems as if the time is passing quickly and slowly at all at once (I think only Korey will understand that). If this were the only waiting game, it wouldn’t be too bad. But there’s more.

In February the application process for the assistant principal pool opened up in my school district. I applied. Then I waited. I finally got a phone call to schedule my interview. Then I waited. I went to the interview (which I felt really good about) sometime in March. I was told I’d probably find out the decisions in April. So I waited. That blasted letter came after I checked my mailbox approximately 1.9 billion times. The letter said, “We are pleased to tell you that you have been chosen to be in our assistant principal pool of candidates which guarantees that your name will be presented to the principals who have openings for possible consideration (yay!)… should a principal select you for an interview, he/she will contact you in the near future in order to schedule a time.” That was April 28th. To date, I have been waiting 20 days for a principal to contact me.

The truth is, the letter says being in the pool doesn’t guarantee a position for the upcoming school year. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t even guarantee an interview. There is a chance that no one will contact me at all.

So, I decided to put myself on the transfer list in an effort to gain more administrator-like experience. I am open to transfer to a school for a Testing Coordinator position or an Instructional Specialist position. Both positions would give me more experience and insight into the administrators world.

I was under the impression that not many of these positions would be open, however, I have had an interview for both positions. I interviewed for a Testing Coordinator position and waited about two weeks to receive an email that stated, “you had a strong interview but we decided to go with another candidate.” I also interviewed for an Instructional Specialist position. This time I only waited one day to receive a “we went with another candidate” phone call.

…and so the waiting continues.

This is what I feel:

  • All the doors are closed.
  • I missed my chance.
  • There is no “new” place for me.

This is what I know:

  • ” For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
  • “Endurance produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3
  • “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5

With getting married, I know when that is. I know where I need to be and what time I need to be there. I’m so excited I can barely stand it. That’s what makes this waiting hard.

For my work future, I am practicing having faith in what I know, and not in how I feel. In the meantime, I’ll just wait.

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